This morning as I logged on to facebook, I was bombarded by "first day of school!" posts, both positive and negative. The public schools in my area, as well as both of my alma matters started classes this week, and it is finally hitting me that--for the first time I can remember--I am NOT going back to school!
Now, some of you would cheer at such a prospect, but those who know me a bit better will understand that I have mixed feelings about this.
Back-to-school means so much more than just more classes. Back-to-school means shopping for school supplies--there is very little more satisfying than looking over your brand-new pencils, pens, highlighters, an the like. Oh, the joy of matching notebooks and folders, color-coordinated for each subject! But even more exciting than this is looking forward to the prospect of new teachers and new faces, reuniting with old friends you've been missing all summer, and of course, wondering what great secrets of the universe you will uncover in the coming semester.
The new school year comes with a set of new resolutions as well: vows to go to bed earlier, to eat healthier, to start projects earlier, not the night before they're due, the promises go on and on, filled with hope that this year, you will be a better student, become a better person.
As for me, I am realizing that I don't have this fresh-start to look forward to. The schedule and habits that I have been keeping over the summer will have no magic "reset" button when I head back to class. Transitions are times of reevaluation and new beginnings, but I am missing that transition date and all the self-examination and resolve that come with it. Without the pressure of a deadline, the projects I started this summer are left half-done, and I find myself feeling like I need to get back-to-something!
This is no excuse for me to be lazy. With September right around the corner, I can choose to make this my own time of introspection and resolutions, fresh starts and new adventures. Even though I'm no longer in school, I can still continue learning, reading and studying, but it will be more difficult. My nanny job isn't exactly in my degree field (you can't really talk to a 15-month-old about secondary dominants), so I have to find other ways to keep my mind stimulated. I am teaching a few private violin students, tutoring a high-school student in music theory, and playing in the community symphony. I am thankful for these opportunities to continue playing and teaching, and the way they necessitate my continued practice and review of the things I studied in school, but I'd like to do more than just review, I want to keep learning. So, starting this fall, I promise to put more effort into finding topics that I am interested in learning about, and of course finding the discipline to do so! There, how was that for a back-to-nothing resolution?
I'll admit, I will miss the school supplies... Maybe I can find an excuse to buy a new set of highlighters, or maybe some color-coordinated notebooks...
Monday, August 31, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Career Changes...
This past May, I received my master's degree in Music Theory from Indiana University. The typical course of study for theory is to continue to a Ph.D, but I decided not to pursue it, at least for the time being, for many reasons. My main reasons were that I wanted to return to Chicago to be closer to my family and my fiance, and if I committed to several more years of grad school, we would most likely have to postpone our wedding (heaven forbid)!
So this Summer found me living with my parents in the suburbs, looking for work. Music theory is a subject taught primarily at the college level, though it can also be taught in high school or through community music schools. Of course, because of the economic downturn, not only had the area univiersities issued hiring freezes, but the community schools were also struggling to retain students, as many families were trying to cut back on expenses in these hard times. I sent out resume after resume, contacting schools, institutions and everyone I could think of, to no avail. The lingering question in my brain was: Was it really the right decision to leave grad school? I couldn't help but think that I would be more marketable as a teacher if I had my Ph.D, and of course, I would remain in school a few more years, giving the economy a chance to recover. This summer was a summer of frustration and doubt, but there was always plenty to be thankful for, because I was home with my parents, who graciously let me stay with them rent-free, and being unemployed, I had copious amounts of free time to chat with friends, spend time with my fiance, or help my parents.
My decision not to pursue a Ph.D. was made primarily because of my desire to become a wife, and someday a mother. You don't need a doctorate to do that, right? Of course, I currently am neither a wife, nor a mother, nor am I a student, and technically, I have no "career," either. I felt an intense lack of purpose, like I was in limbo, waiting for something to happen: a teaching position, my wedding, children, something.
A job finally did come along, but not the kind I was expecting. We had brand new neighbors move in next door to us: a husband, wife, 15-month-old baby, and a dog. The wife was preparing to return to work for the first time since the baby was born, and they were looking for childcare. Of course I jumped at the opportunity: I love children, I needed a job, and they were right next door--you can't get more convenient than that! So now I am a full-time nanny, taking care of a 15-month-old boy, and a sweet dog. 10 hours a day, 5 days a week I get to pretend to be a mommy, with a baby to take care of, a dog to look after, meals to cook, and a house to keep clean. And, I'm getting paid for it!
Of course, it can still seem like a bit of a disappointment to tell people that I just got my master's degree, have two years of teaching experience at the college level, and am currently a nanny. The other day, after telling a woman about how much I enjoyed spending my days playing with this sweet little boy, she wished me luck on my job search and said she sincerely hoped things would look up for me very soon. I guess it all comes down to personal priorities: I chose marriage over further schooling, and now I am thankful for the chance to learn and prepare a little bit before the big day comes! I sometimes feel shy telling people, because I know they will think I was hoping for something better. But really, what could be better than to spend my days playing with, caring for, and yes, teaching such a sweet little boy, all while gaining valuable experience and life lessons? And boy, am I learning a lot from this guy! But that's another post! Right now I have a little boy who is waking up from his nap...
So this Summer found me living with my parents in the suburbs, looking for work. Music theory is a subject taught primarily at the college level, though it can also be taught in high school or through community music schools. Of course, because of the economic downturn, not only had the area univiersities issued hiring freezes, but the community schools were also struggling to retain students, as many families were trying to cut back on expenses in these hard times. I sent out resume after resume, contacting schools, institutions and everyone I could think of, to no avail. The lingering question in my brain was: Was it really the right decision to leave grad school? I couldn't help but think that I would be more marketable as a teacher if I had my Ph.D, and of course, I would remain in school a few more years, giving the economy a chance to recover. This summer was a summer of frustration and doubt, but there was always plenty to be thankful for, because I was home with my parents, who graciously let me stay with them rent-free, and being unemployed, I had copious amounts of free time to chat with friends, spend time with my fiance, or help my parents.
My decision not to pursue a Ph.D. was made primarily because of my desire to become a wife, and someday a mother. You don't need a doctorate to do that, right? Of course, I currently am neither a wife, nor a mother, nor am I a student, and technically, I have no "career," either. I felt an intense lack of purpose, like I was in limbo, waiting for something to happen: a teaching position, my wedding, children, something.
A job finally did come along, but not the kind I was expecting. We had brand new neighbors move in next door to us: a husband, wife, 15-month-old baby, and a dog. The wife was preparing to return to work for the first time since the baby was born, and they were looking for childcare. Of course I jumped at the opportunity: I love children, I needed a job, and they were right next door--you can't get more convenient than that! So now I am a full-time nanny, taking care of a 15-month-old boy, and a sweet dog. 10 hours a day, 5 days a week I get to pretend to be a mommy, with a baby to take care of, a dog to look after, meals to cook, and a house to keep clean. And, I'm getting paid for it!
Of course, it can still seem like a bit of a disappointment to tell people that I just got my master's degree, have two years of teaching experience at the college level, and am currently a nanny. The other day, after telling a woman about how much I enjoyed spending my days playing with this sweet little boy, she wished me luck on my job search and said she sincerely hoped things would look up for me very soon. I guess it all comes down to personal priorities: I chose marriage over further schooling, and now I am thankful for the chance to learn and prepare a little bit before the big day comes! I sometimes feel shy telling people, because I know they will think I was hoping for something better. But really, what could be better than to spend my days playing with, caring for, and yes, teaching such a sweet little boy, all while gaining valuable experience and life lessons? And boy, am I learning a lot from this guy! But that's another post! Right now I have a little boy who is waking up from his nap...
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Psalm 84
Psalm 84
1How lovely are Your dwelling places,
O LORD of hosts!
2My soul longed and even yearned for the courts of the LORD;
My heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God...
4How blessed are those who dwell in Your house!
They are ever praising You...
10For one day in Your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God
Than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
11For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
The LORD gives grace and glory;
No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
12O LORD of hosts,
How blessed is the man who trusts in You!
1How lovely are Your dwelling places,
O LORD of hosts!
2My soul longed and even yearned for the courts of the LORD;
My heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God...
4How blessed are those who dwell in Your house!
They are ever praising You...
10For one day in Your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God
Than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
11For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
The LORD gives grace and glory;
No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly.
12O LORD of hosts,
How blessed is the man who trusts in You!
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