I've had an odd penchant for housework since I was a little girl. I remember sneaking into my brother's room and organizing their bookshelves, folding their clothes and putting away their toys. My mom had these books full of housecleaning tips and strategies by cleaning expert Don Aslett, and I READ THEM! IN GRADE SCHOOL! Sorting and organizing was always one of my favorite things to do, every few months I would pull out all my books and pick a new cataloging method in which to shelve them (sorted alphabetically by author, title, genre, date published, or a combination of the above...).
When I got to college, my friends used to joke that they could tell which side of the dorm room was mine, because there was an invisible line that wouldn't let the mess past.
Of course, when I was sick or stressed, all of that went out the window. I'd leave my clothes in a pile on the floor, I'd use things and never put them away, and it wouldn't be long before my room was a complete wreck. It's scary, actually, how fast my life deteriorates when I'm not trying! My mother could always tell when I was feeling better because the mess would start to bother me again and I would clean it up.
Organizing is easily my favorite cleaning chore, but it's not the only one I enjoy. There's something so gratifying about doing the dishes or cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming. When you step back and look at the result of your manual labor, the work of your own two hands, it's a feeling of accomplishment. I think everyone appreciates a clean bathroom or a freshly mopped floor, and I for one appreciate it even more if I was the one who made it that way.
So, if I love organizing and find cleaning so rewarding, WHY DOES MY APARTMENT ALWAYS FEEL LIKE A WRECK?!?!?!
Well, several hours ago, after removing my bleach-covered scrub brush from the toilet bowl, it dawned on me that there are multiple factors.
First, like I said, when I am sick or stressed out, all sense of order goes out the window. I've often wondered if my delight in organization is a coping mechanism for the chaos inside my head, and once under duress, I lose the ability to cope and revert to my default: anarchy! If this truly is my "default," then any time I'm under duress, the state of my home should deteriorate quickly (and believe me, it does!). Of course, the older I get, the busier I get, the more responsibilities I have to juggle, and the more stressed out I become, meaning I am less inclined now to spend time cleaning than I was when I was younger. This makes me wonder if someday neat-freak Emily will become one of those crazy old ladies who compulsively hoard everything and have piles upon piles of newspapers and lace doilies cluttering every inch of her home. People will say "she was always very neat, I guess the change was so gradual we never noticed until it was too late!" Funny part about all of this is that, I feel more stressed when my surroundings are messy! It's a vicious cycle: when I'm stressed, I get messy, and when things are messy, I get stressed!
Second (and this is closely related to the above reason), I just don't have the time I used to have. If I have a spare afternoon, chances are it will be used to catch up on grading or lesson planning or grocery shopping, or sleep, or something other than camping out on the floor sorting my books according to the Dewey Decimal system! But some of this is also laziness, since I do use up a lot of my free time watching the TV shows I missed the previous night (we don't have TV, so I watch my TV online the day after it airs), or spending countless hours stalking friends on facebook! I should know better. Sure, it's enjoyable and entertaining at the time, but once it's over, I have nothing left to show for it. There's no sense of accomplishment or satisfaction that comes with surfing the internet or watching my favorite show, in fact, I often feel guilty when I turn from my computer to see the pile of dishes in the sink, the dust-bunnies skittering across the floor, or the pile of laundry waiting to be done. Think of how much better I would feel if I had used the last hour to take care of some of those things! And I'd probably sleep better that night, with clear, uncluttered dreams...
The third reason is a big one: momentum! It is so hard to get motivated to start doing something! And object at rest stays at rest! It takes WAY more energy to get started than to keep going. And it only gets worse the longer you wait, because the house just gets dirtier!
On the flip side, once I get started, it can be hard to stop! I have a little hand vacuum that I received as a wedding gift (I would strongly recommend this if you're registering or looking for a gift to buy a friend, I use mine ALL THE TIME!!!). I often will spill something on the kitchen floor, and pull this out to vacuum it up really quickly. Of course, once I'm on the floor, I can see all these other spots that need to be vacuumed, so I quickly take care of them too, but as I move across the floor, I am only confronted with more and more to do, and before I know it, I have spent 2o minutes crawling around my apartment using a hand vacuum to clean the floors! This can be quite an undertaking, considering my entire apartment is tile or hardwood! It's the same when I wash dishes: I finish the dishes, and use the sponge to mop up the water splashed onto the counter, then find myself scrubbing the entire countertop when I reach the stove and notice that, sure enough, I could use some cleaning, too! And surely enough, what started as a simple task of doing dishes turns into a scrub-down of the whole kitchen (the hand vac may or may not be involved in this process, too...). Of course, then my mind starts associating doing the dishes with this grand ordeal, which only makes me more hesitant to do the dishes in the future, knowing what it could become.
Well, there you have it, my personal ups and downs of housework. I love organizing, I find housework very rewarding, and once I start, it's nearly impossible for me to stop. But my default nature is chaos, and I'm lazy and unmotivated, so pretty much my apartment is either very neat and clean, or in ruins. Perhaps someday I'll find a middle ground, hopefully before I become a compulsive hoarder...
