***This is the first post in a series on lessons I'm learning through motherhood. The posts will probably be very spaced out (I don't have a great track record on regular posting), and there might be other posts in-between, but every once-in-a-while I hope to put up another post on the topic! Look for the tag "Work In Progress"
A few weeks ago, as I was wearily pushing the stroller at a brisk pace in frigid weather, bracing myself against the brutal Chicago wind, wishing I had remembered my hat and scarf, all in a desperate attempt to help my sleep-deprived little one get some kind of nap (she has always slept better in the stroller, but wakes up as soon as I stop moving or go inside), I began to reflect on all the things I've learned since becoming a mother. (phew! How's that for a run-on sentence?)
As my sweet daughter continued to sleep, I had ample time to tabulate a surprisingly long list. I believe I've grown more in the last 10 months than any other "stage" of my life. I would also have to say that these first 10 months of motherhood have easily been the hardest of any stage thus far.
And that was when I started to wonder why I always seemed to grow more in times of trial than I ever did in success. Honestly, my first thought was "How come God can teach other moms the same lessons and still give them babies who sleep through the night?!" My initial response was something along the lines of "Wow, I must be a really slow learner if God had to resort to such extreme methods! Maybe I should be praying for a more teachable spirit!"
But then I remembered how often God does exactly what I ask, but in a way that is terribly different from what I had in mind. For instance, I once asked for an extension on a midterm project and a break from responsibilities for about a week, never actually believing it would happen. But the next day I contracted shingles and wound up with a doctor's note for--guess what?--A week off of school (and yes, I got that extension, too)! Then there's all those times I've prayed for a humble spirit, only to turn around and get utterly humiliated. Yeah, sickness and public disgrace are certainly not what I had in mind, but you know what? I got exactly what I asked for. God's methods are always effective. Be careful what you pray for!
I have long believed that people are more willing to learn in difficult situations. Think about the classes you took in school: Which ones drove you to study harder and seek help? Easy classes are easy because we know most of the material already (or we think we do, at least). We study more in those difficult classes because we realize how much we have to learn. It's the same in life: When things are going smoothly, it's easy to believe that we have all the answers. But when things go wrong, we realize how much we need help. People are the most receptive when they are the most desperate. God sends trials our way not because He's a vindictive god who delights in watching His creation squirm, but because He cares about our character and education, and wants to make sure we learn His lessons well.
Well, that answers my first question ("why I always seemed to grow more in times of trial than I ever did in success"), but not my second ("How come God can teach other moms the same lessons and still give them babies who sleep through the night?"). I think I was heading east on Superior, into the wind, when I realized "We all learn essentially the same lessons, but in different times and different ways." Any good teacher will tell you that one method does not fit all. You have to tailor your approach based on factors like age, ability, classroom dynamic, learning styles, resources available, number of students, timeframe, and many, many others. One of the baby books I reference frequently ("What to Expect the First Year) repeats this adage in every chapter: "All babies are different." Well, all people are different, too, and I am so very thankful that our God knows and loves each one of us individually. Who better to tailor our curriculum than the One who made us, and took great care in every detail (Psalm 139)? I don't know what lessons those other moms need to learn, and I don't know what and how He has already taught them. I'm glad I don't have to. It is enough for me to trust that God is teaching them and teaching me. My job is only to learn. (Psalm 131)
As I was reflecting on these things before writing this post, I wondered if sometimes God uses difficult methods to test how willing we are to learn. It's easy to ask for humility, but you have to really want it if you're going to stare humiliation in the face and accept it as an opportunity to grow! I am fond of saying "it's not our circumstances that change us, it's how we respond to them." If you don't want to learn, you probably won't. But that doesn't mean God won't continue to teach you.
I want to throw in a disclaimer here: I'm not saying that the only reason we experience hardship is because God has something to teach us. He has many purposes for trials, and I never want to give the impression that all you have to do is "learn your lesson" and the hard times will stop! In fact, that is rarely the case. What I am saying is, no matter what your situation, God can always teach you something. Romans 8:28 is an often misinterpreted passage that reads "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." A lot of people assume that the "good" refers to things in this life, but if you keep reading, you discover what "His purpose" is: "...to become conformed to the image of His Son." (Romans 8:29) That verse doesn't mean God will make sure everything turns out all right in the end. It really means that our infinitely wise and creative God can use anything as an opportunity to help us grow to become more like Jesus Christ.
I guess I'll just continue to pray for a teachable spirit, even though I know that probably means I'll continue to learn my lessons "the hard way."
I'd like to share some excerpts from two of my favorite hymns. I have sung these to my baby girl every day since she was born, but I know I need these words far more than she does at this point. Both hymns were written by Karolina Sandell-Berg (a Swede!) and translated to English by Andrew L. Skoog.
Children of the Heavenly Father (verse 5)
"Tough He giveth and He taketh
God His children ne'er forsaketh.
His the loving purpose solely
To preserve them, pure and holy."
Day by Day (portions of verses 1 and 3)
"He, whose heart is kind beyond all measure,
Gives unto each day what He deems best...
"Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take, as from a Father's hand,
Willingly, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land."
