"What's Your Secret?"

*Warning: This is a confession post. I have no brilliant tips or strategies except the advice that I need to be following myself.

"Losing the baby weight." My goodness, I had no idea what an obsession that was until I started gaining my own! Surf the web and you will find page after page of diets, exercises, and other contraptions to help you on your journey to get your "pre-pregnancy body" back. There are even photo galleries for mommies to show off their post-baby-bellies online!

Because several of my friends have also recently had babies, I've had the privilege of hearing all about the wonderful and creative ways they have found to get back in shape. I took notes as one friend shared what she is learning about healthy foods and how to make reasonable diet/lifestyle changes that will get her whole family on the road to excellent health; I've been inspired by a friend who trained for (and completed) a triathlon (talk about hard core!); and was delighted to hear about a friend who took up ballet again after several years away from the art. The creativity, research, discipline, motivation and extra effort that this takes is tremendous, and I just think it is so awesome to hear about everything people are doing for the sake of their health.

That's why I cringe whenever anyone asks me what I've been doing.

I lost all of my pregnancy weight within the first 10 weeks of my daughter's life. A year later, I weigh what I did back in high school. I grimace whenever anyone asks me what my secret is, because, honestly, I'm ashamed of my answer. I want to keep it a secret. I say this because I haven't really been doing anything.

Chocolate? What chocolate?

While my other friends are making smart choices, working towards a goal, and intentionally seeking things that will promote their health, I have not. What's my secret? My secret is a tiny, colicky task master who wouldn't let me sleep, eat, or stop moving for almost 12 months. There is nothing healthy about exhaustion. My diet was "grab whatever little bits you can while she's quiet." There were no meals, there was very little cooking, and grocery shopping usually ended abruptly due to a screeching infant, so my diet was mainly pre-packaged, non-perishable items, aka "junk food." Thankfully, I was never able to eat more than a few nibbles here or there, so at least my intake was limited.

My exercise plan was pretty similar. I think I have only intentionally "worked out" three times since my daughter was born. However, every day (and most of the night during the early months!) was spent carrying around a baby who was rapidly increasing in size and weight, dancing around and bouncing her up and down, in the only repetitive motions that seemed to soothe her. Add to that the fact that she loves the stroller (for a while it was the only place she would sleep other than my arms), and you end up walking EVERYWHERE! It's pretty typical for us to walk several miles in the course of an afternoon. I should get a pedometer... Did I mention that she starts to cry if you move too slowly? 

Our trusty Phil&Ted's jogging stroller that has traveled
 countless miles through rain, wind and snow, soothing a fussy baby!

Yes, I lost a lot of weight, and I lost it FAST, but it only came as a side-effect of exhaustion and mal-nourishment. I'm probably one of the least healthy mommies I know. 

I was thinking about that, and realizing that everything I said about my physical diet could be said of my spiritual diet, as well. Just like cooking and meals, I almost never had the time to sit quietly with my Bible, reading, studying, and praying. I would try to "grab whatever bits I could" by listening to the audio Bible on biblegateway.com, putting verses around the house, singing hymns I had memorized, and reading Bible stories to my baby, but I filled my time with a lot of "junk food," too. Watching TV while rocking a fussy infant seems appealing, but it's never as satisfying as you want it to be. I spend way too much time watching hulu and stalking friends on facebook, and not enough time making a conscious effort to consume healthy, worthwhile things. 

The weight loss that comes from physical starvation can be viewed as a pleasant side-effect if you're hoping to shed some pounds, but spiritual starvation only leaves you scrawny, weak, and hungry. Physically, you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at me that I was unhealthy. On the outside I appear fit and active, but on the inside I'm missing all kinds of nutrients. I think spiritual starvation is more readily apparent. I can put on a good face for a while, but I just can't seem to grow those "fruits of the spirit" like I want to:

• Love? It feels like everything I do these days is out of a selfish motivation. 
• Joy and Peace? I'm constantly grumbling or upset about little things that have gone wrong, or expectations that have not been met (nevermind how many expectations I've failed to meet for others!).
•  Patience? I've lost count of how many times I've snapped at someone or lost my temper this week, and it's only Tuesday! 
• Kindness, Goodness, and Gentleness? If you're selfish, short-tempered and grumbling, there's not a lot of room for those things in your heart! 
• Faithfulness? Don't get me started on how many promises have been broken, how many commitments have fallen through, how many emails remain unanswered, projects unfinished, housework undone, the list goes on...
• Self-Control? Please, make it stop!

This cannot go on. I'm miserable, and my family is suffering, too.


My precious daughter has mellowed out quite a bit now that she's almost 15 months, toddling around, and able to use baby sign-language to communicate some of her basic wants and needs. She's still perhaps a little more "high needs" than other babies her age, but all in all, she is worlds better than she was! We're finally coming out of "survival mode" and beginning to figure out ways to help our household run smoothly. 

Feeding my family (myself included), physically and spiritually, is at the top of my list. For now, we're just taking baby steps (no pun intended... I think) like buying more fresh produce (I'm so very thankful for our neighborhood farmer's market!), keeping track of what everyone has eaten that day (how much has been protein, fruits, vegetables, junk food, etc), praying before meals, and reading a bible story together every morning. God also sent me a hidden blessing by crashing my computer's hard-drive, so there has been a significant decrease in the amount of time I have managed to waste online ("Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; and give me life in your ways." Psalm 119:37)! I can only pray that these small changes will quickly become easy habits, and we can begin to add more and more. 

I think I'll hold off on those marathon aspirations for now, "but the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, that shines brighter and brighter until the full day..." (Proverbs 4:18)

This little board book of the parable of the lost sheep is one of her favorites.
 I think it has something to do with the "baa!" sounds mommy makes...