Christmas Stories

The Christmas season is upon us, and my family is starting a new tradition this year of unwrapping a new Christmas book each day leading up to Christmas. We owned several winter/Christmas themed books already, but we needed to add to our collection, so I began searching for some old favorites. After sharing some of these stories with my daughter, I realized that some of them were fairly dark:

“The Small One” by Charles Tazewell, is about a donkey who is too small and too old to do the heavy work required, and must be sold, but nobody will buy this sorry creature except the tanner. Just when the young owner has given up hope of saving his beloved donkey’s life, a man comes along. He doesn’t have much money, but he has a pregnant wife, and a long journey ahead of him to a little town called Bethlehem…

“A Tale of Three Trees” is a folk tale about one tree who hopes to be made into a treasure chest, another who dreams of being a great sailing ship for kings, and a third who longs to remain on the hilltop forever, pointing proudly to the heavens. All three are cut down, and the first is turned into a feedbox for animals, the second into a humble fishing boat, and the third is hewn into rough beams and left in a lumber yard. Years pass as the trees each mourn their dreams. But one day, the feedbox is surprised when it is used to hold a baby, the fishing boat carries a man who can calm a storm, and the third is made into a cross.

In “the Other Wise Man,” by Henry Van Dyke, Artaban plans to join his fellow Magi to give gifts to a newborn king. On his way to meet his companions, he is delayed when he stops to help a dying man on the road. When he gets to Bethlehem, he is too late: the holy family has fled to Egypt. Herod’s soldiers arrive to kill all the baby boys, and he saves a child by bribing the soldier who comes for him. He spends the next 33 years searching to no avail, gradually giving away all of the wealth he had brought for Jesus except for one pearl. He finally arrives in Jerusalem only to discover that the King for whom he has been searching is about to be crucified. As he rushes to see, he encounters a girl who is to be sold into slavery to pay off her father’s debts. He buys her freedom with his final treasure, just as Jesus dies on the cross. He is injured during the earthquake, and is ushered into heaven with words from Matthew 25:40 “Inasmuch as you have done to the least of these, my brethren, you have done it unto me.”

Why do I love these stories so much? These are tales of broken dreams: A worthless donkey destined for the glue factory; Trees filled with hopes for great purpose, being used in lowly, demeaning ways; A Magi who spent his whole life searching for the King, but arrives empty-handed only to find him dying.

But more than that, these are tales of redemption: The worthless donkey carries Mary to Bethlehem and is present at the birth of the Christ child. The manger tree holds the greatest treasure in the world, the fishing boat tree carries the King of Kings, and the final tree stands high on its hilltop, pointing the world to Heaven. Artaban’s life goal was to meet Jesus and give him the finest gifts money could buy, and though he thought his mission a failure, he learns in the end that every act of kindness, every generous gift was given to God, and his faithful seeking came to an end when he met the King face to face in His glorious kingdom.

These are not just stories, they are our stories. How many of us feel, like the donkey, that we have nothing to offer anyone? How many of us dreamed like the trees of a perfect job and grand life, only to find ourselves working for low-wages outside our chosen field just to pay off our student loans? How many of us feel like our whole life has been wasted on a failed mission? We all need redemption.

The donkey wasn’t chosen because he was special, he became special because he was chosen. The roughly hewn trees held no intrinsic beauty or worth of their own, but they became timeless symbols of the greatest story ever told because of who they held. Artaban spent his whole life hoping to pay tribute to the new King, without realizing that he already was serving him everywhere he went. Jesus made them beautiful. Jesus made them treasures. Jesus fulfilled their dreams in ways they never could have guessed.

So friends, if you question your value, know that Christ has deemed you precious enough to die for.  If you feel unworthy, remember that Jesus has offered himself to be judged in your place, so that when God looks at you, he doesn’t see the crude vessel, he sees his perfect Son. If you feel lost and searching, God will meet you where you are. “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

If you find yourself seeking, or longing for redemption, I would encourage you to start here, or here.

Learning to Read with "Sing Spell Read and Write!"

When I was a kid, I learned to read using the Sing Spell Read and Write curriculum by Sue Dickson. It's awesome, and covers WAY more than just reading/writing! I loved it, and always figured I'd use it with my kids. I bought the pre-K curriculum package, and would recommend buying their whole package if you're looking for a curriculum (if you buy nothing else, get the level 1 CD for all the phonics songs!) but there are plenty of free/cheap resources we found:

You can find tons of explanations and demos on youtube by typing in the curriculum name, but here are our favorite videos:

The Phonics Song: This is the alphabet with pronunciations instead of letter names. I started playing it when my daughter was a toddler, and she was trying to sound out words before she was 2! I love that there is a slide show with the letters as they're singing so kids can learn to associate the shapes with the sounds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=asfVlQ0bmv4&list=PL32962BEB0218870A

Here's another version, with the chart/placemat that comes with the curriculum pack (worth making or buying one of your own):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXc-_hxRXlo

And here are 2 links of kids singing it, because it's adorable, and there is no better motivator than seeing other kids do it, too!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kyXogrVY89o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w70ZRbTOXFk

When they get more advanced, there is a song for the short vowels (which they've already learned in the alphabet song) :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2k8xYMWMDc&list=PLTJdTUd9iEZtmh3Nn0yxab8_JGKTQhvGW&index=2

And new long vowel sounds:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ldxIEIgbaWA

Once they've got the letter sounds, then they move on to 2-letter combinations, once again, using singing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CC1yCleMLhc 

I did the above activity by writing the vowels on a magnetic white board, then swapping out magnet letters for the consonants.

It takes a while to get to the combination stage, but once they've got it, it's amazing to watch them take off! We used the BOB books after that to introduce really simple words, and she loves reading! (I bought the first set from Amazon, and they gave me the option to buy the Kindle version for .99 as well. The physical books were really important as she was learning to read, I think, but after getting through set 1, we used the Kindle Owner's Lending Library to borrow each set as we needed them. Yay for free readers!)

http://www.amazon.com/Bob-Books-Set-Beginning-Readers-ebook/dp/B00HDPOY84/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1400968584&sr=8-1&keywords=bob+books 

Anyway, I hope that's helpful! We really enjoy the songs, and I made homemade  charts, books, and coloring pages by using black and white clip art for each letter (print each letter/picture combination and put them in a dollar-store photo album!).

An Adventure on Every Page!

Kaja's imagination is most active in the morning after breakfast. I always feel a little bit like a lazy mom, letting her play so long by herself, but I love to just sit with my coffee and watch her go! She's off in her own little world having "adventures" and the things she says and does are simply delightful!

This morning, as she does most mornings, she put on her favorite pair of shoes (that are still too big for her, so we can't wear them out yet) and announced "I'm going on an adventure now!"
Do you want to know where today's adventure is taking us? "To the LIBRARY!" Kaja set up an imaginary library by her bookshelves and is going back and forth, collecting a stack of books, "taking them home" to read them all out loud, then returning for another stack (we're still working on returning the books themselves to the library). She has most of her books memorized, and the few she doesn't know yet, she just wings it from the pictures, and that, too, is quite a show! I just love that her idea of an adventure is going to a place where she can read as much as she wants. She is currently working on book #19. And now she's pulled out another book with lots of words, and is calling me over to read with her. Warms my heart!

Tale as old as Time.

My poor little girl spiked a high fever today out of nowhere (she is the queen of high temps and no other symptoms. What gives?!), so we had an impromptu movie afternoon. She's usually so busy that she doesn't have time to slow down for cuddles, so I secretly relish sick days where I get to curl up with her on the couch. Is that selfish?

Trying to get her to broaden her horizons beyond all-time favorite Studio Ghibli (Totoro and Kiki are totally awesome, but we know them by rote in 2 languages now), I proposed Beauty and the Beast. Here's how I pitched it to her:

"It's about a girl who loves to read books, and loves to help her daddy. She goes on an adventure with her horse, and makes lots of silly new friends!" She took the bait. I know how to play to my daughter's interests, all right!

She did NOT like the "'cary wolves," and was uneasy about the Beast, too (though she thought the talking clock was great!). We used the movie to talk about being kind to others, and what a difference that makes for people's feelings. Who knows how much she took away, but she did notice that both Beast and Belle were choosing to help each-other more and more throughout the film. It was neat.

Out of nowhere, she turned to me and said "Mommy, do you know that Belle loves the Beast?" I asked her how she knew that, and she said "Because the Beast takes care of her." Curious, I asked if she thought the Beast loved Belle, and why? She said "Yes, because she helps him."

It was interesting to hear her say that. We often talk to her about how Mommy and Daddy do things for her because we love her, so it's neat to hear these ideas percolating in her mind. Of course, her definition seems rather self-focused (not surprising, considering she's two. And human). She says each loves the other because the other does something for them. But I hope that eventually the true definition will come out and she will realize that love is not self-seeking. Someday, maybe I'll ask her how she knows Belle loves the Beast and she will reply "Because she helps the Beast"

This has always been one of my favorite Disney stories. I loved that Belle was a reader, and a daddy's girl (and daddy is an engineer, how cool is that?!), and totally NOT interested in boys! I found her the most relatable "princess" in my childhood as a tomboy/nerd. But that's not the only thing that resonated with me.

Everyone makes fun of this movie and says it's just "Stockholm Syndrome," but here's what I saw:

Belle willingly gives herself up as a ransom for her father. She thinks she's going to be chained in a dungeon for the rest of her life, but that doesn't stop her from sacrificing herself for her father's sake. That's love.

What follows is a series of sacrifices Belle and the Beast make for each-other without expecting anything in return:

Belle has broken the rules and gone into the forbidden wing where she is confronted and flees the castle. She is about to be eaten by wolves. The Beast is furious and could have left her to die, but he comes to her rescue, and in doing so is injured and collapses.

Belle chooses to bring him back to the castle and tend his wounds. The monster was incapacitated, she could have run home at any point, but chose not to.

To thank her, the Beast gives her his library. If that's not a grand gesture, I don't know what is. ;)

Then there's this sweet little scene where the Beast shoves his face into his oatmeal until he notices a shocked Belle staring back at him. He tries to please her by using a spoon, but his massive claws can't hold it. Belle sees him struggling and suggests they both just drink from the bowl. See that? Each making compromises for the sake of the other. Awww!

Even the song "Beauty and the Beast" gives a good picture of the story:

Tale as old as time

True as it can be

Barely even friends,

Then somebody bends

Unexpectedly...

...Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Bittersweet and strange

Finding you can change

Learning you were wrong

I've always felt like this was the most realistic of the Disney love stories because it required so many compromises from both characters. They each had to get over themselves and let go of their expectations to make the relationship work. There is actual character growth on both sides as the relationship develops.

Of course, each of these gestures was a response to a previous one. They had to start somewhere, and the first one may not have been as altruistic as I'd like: the Beast probably went after Belle with the intention of bringing her back and locking her up, only accidentally saving her life at great cost to himself.

My motivation to love is also a reaction to something that came before. 1 John 4:9-12 and 19 says 

"This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us... We love because he first loved us."

The True tale as old as time...

Life Lessons from Literature

If you looked inside my copy, you'd notice that the
word "green" was highlighted every time it occurred.

How many of you had to read The Great Gatsby in high school? I remember reading it in Mrs. Grisanzio's English II Honors class. I don't recall enjoying the book, but I do recall being enchanted by the way she picked it apart, pulled out the symbolism, held up the artistry of the language for us to admire. She was one of my favorite teachers. She really took delight in the way the words were so carefully crafted, in the wealth of great literature, and most importantly, in sharing that beauty and discovery with us. I didn't like the story, but I loved her class.

I pulled Gatsby off the shelf this afternoon because the final sentence was echoing in my head. I can still remember the day Mrs. G. read the last page out loud to us in her dramatic style, pausing to point out the various themes. Upon opening my copy, I discovered that the entire page is covered in yellow highlighter and scrawled notes. Because she loved it, I came to love it, too.

For those of you who aren't familiar with the story, the title character is a young man from humble beginnings who fell in love with a girl only to lose her when she married a man from a wealthy family. He seeks his own fortune and is successful, obsessed with the idea of winning her back, even moving to New York and buying a house across the Long Island Sound from hers, where he can see the green light at the end of her dock from his backyard. Of course, all of this happens before the book starts. Fitzgerald's narrative is a chronicle of the vanity of wealth, the selfishness of man, and the futility of unrequited love.  But back to the final page:

"...there were hardly any lights except the shadowy, moving glow of a ferryboat across the Sound. And as the moon rose higher the inessential houses began to melt away until gradually I became aware of the old island here that flowered once for Dutch sailors' eyes--a fresh, green breast of the new world. Its vanished trees, the trees that made way for Gatsby's house, had once pandered in whispers to the last and greatest of all human dreams; for a transitory enchanted moment man must have held his breath in the presence of this continent, compelled into an aesthetic contemplation he neither understood nor desired, face to face for the last time in history with something commensurate to his capacity for wonder.
     And as I sat there, brooding on the old unknown world, I thought of Gatsby's wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisy's dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn and his dream must have seemed so close that he could hardly fail to grasp it.  He did not know that it was already behind him, somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night.
     Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter--tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther... And one fine morning--
     So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

The chasing of dreams, the quest for fulfillment, whatever you want to call it, it's a common literary theme. Indeed, our country is founded on the notion that the pursuit of happiness is an inalienable right. But the more I read, the more depressed I became. In college seminars I would read such classics as Voltaire's Candide, Flaubert's Madame Bovary, Nietsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra, and Dostoyevsky's Notes From the Underground. I started to notice some common themes: People are seeking meaning in their lives. The sad part is that nobody finds it. Wealth, learning, love, power, talent, religious rituals, social standing, all are explored and found to be lacking. Indeed, the closest we get is to quietly mind our own business (actually, that doesn't sound too bad, being an introvert!).

Here's the thing: We all have an dream. It may not be defined enough to nail down in a "purpose statement," but deep down, we all have some ideal that we want to be like, what circumstances we hope for, and we are sure that if we achieve that, we will be happy. The tragic part is that it's all a great deception:
     We can never fully achieve our ideals. We are ambitious creatures, and our standards are set high. Too high. Even if we do make it for a fleeting moment, it cannot be sustained for long. True perfection is unattainable, and the law of entropy will only continue to tear down that which we attempt to build. Everything fails. If we attempt to base our happiness on circumstances, things, or people--even ourselves--we will be disappointed. It is this futile battle against the crushing weight of reality that Fitzgerald is describing in his closing remarks. The happiness that "year by year recedes before us" as we "beat on, boats against the current."

So what brought this to mind today? The realization that I was fighting a losing battle, the feeling that nothing I did was as good as I wanted it to be. The circumstance in question was my ability to make it to church on time. Every week I carefully plan in advance, making sure clothes are laid out, the diaper bag is packed, everything is set and ready to go the night before so that Sunday morning all I have to do is feed my family and head out. But I haven't been on time since my daughter was born.

This week I worked especially hard. I was up until 1am Saturday night making sure that everything was clean and ready, we woke up right on time Sunday morning, and that's when things started to go wrong. Our delightful day started with 30 minutes of inconsolable screaming for no apparent reason (this is actually pretty typical for my dramatic daughter, maybe I should just add a half-hour of tantrum buffer time to all my activities...). This threw things off, but we still manage to get out the door only 10 minutes late. We make it to church, and I'm feeling disappointed that we are late yet again, but taking consolation in the fact that we have only missed the opening announcements.

Then we hit the elevator traffic jam. The nursery and "stroller parking" are on the second floor, but one of the two (painfully slow) elevators was out of order, and there was a line. Another ten minutes later, we are finally up and "parked." I usually bring my daughter into the sanctuary for the first half of service since she likes "participating" in the singing, then put her in the nursery for the sermon, since she doesn't realize that singing time is over. So here we are, now 20 minutes late, and I carry my toddler up the flight of stairs to the balcony. She wants to play on the stairs rather than find a seat. Cue another meltdown. Now I'm late and holding a screaming child IN THE SANCTUARY, DURING SERVICE!
So off we head to the nursery, baby screeching like a banshee the whole way. I finally get her settled, telling the wide-eyed nursery ladies to please come get me if she gives them any grief. I find a seat and look at the order of service. It lists some of my favorite songs. I have missed them all.

After church, there were a few people that I was hoping to talk to, but I had to pick up the Small One from the nursery first. After a prolonged bathroom break (yay, potty training!), I somehow manage to bump into every single friend I have at church--except the one I'm looking for. It's a delightful problem to have so many friends, but by the time I'm ready to find my target, they're on their way home. I say "maybe next week," but who am I kidding? This is the way Sundays have been for 15 months now, how is next week going to be any different? And so I beat on, a boat against the current...

Feeling discouraged on my walk home, I reflect on these things and am reminded of another line from a great book: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

When we think we have what it takes, when we believe that we can achieve our own perfection, when we rely on temporal things for our happiness, we lie to ourselves. When these delusions begin to fall apart, when people start to let us down, when things don't go according to plan, when the world we have built for ourselves comes crashing down, we realize how weak we are. Ultimately, we are all failures, some of us just don't realize it yet.

But that's okay.

It's okay because there is more to the story than failure. In fact, failure is the best thing that can happen, because it opens our eyes to the truth. After all, the first step to recovery is to admit that you have a problem. And that's what Paul was saying in his letter to the Corinthians. It is when we feel that acute need that His help is the most meaningful (note I said "feel,"not "have." The need is ever-present, but rarely felt). He may be the only thing holding us together day to day (Colossians 1:17), but we won't fully appreciate the way He sustains us until we realize just how much we need sustaining.
"Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

The truth is that we are meant to strive for a higher standard, to seek after something greater than ourselves. The problem is that we can't reach it on our own. The good news is that there is a solution.

"I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus' name...
When every earthly prop gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay."
(Edward Mote, "The Solid Rock")

"Nothing good have I to bring...
Only to the cross I cling."
(Rober Lowry, Nothing but the Blood)

Books in Sweden!

Okay, I promised to tell you all about my wonderful adventures in Scandinavia! Well, here goes!
I thought I'd try to split some of these posts up into themes, rather than just give you a play-by-play of my time there. I will strive for some semblance of order, but I give no promises!

I thought that a decent place to start would be books (yeah, I'm a nerd). They had small bookstores with the delightful tag of "Pocket Shop" pretty much everywhere in the city, especially near train stations and large shopping districts. I would liken them to Walden Books here in the US, but they were unique in that they only carried paperback books, usually in a rather compact size, hence the name.

One of my missions while in Sweden was to find a copy of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" in Swedish ("Harry Potter och de Vises Sten," for those of you keeping score at home), so this was a shop I made sure to visit. They did not have the book I was looking for (apparently it's only published in hardcover), but I did stumble across a few other best-sellers:




The first book in the Twilight saga, known here in the states as"Twilight," is called "If I Could Dream" in Swedish. I see this title and all I can think of is someone saying "Sorry girls, gorgeous, brilliant, filthy-rich, chivalrous, sparkling vampires only exist in your dreams!"Leave it to the Swedes to keep things reasonable.





The second book, "New Moon," literally translated is "When I Hear Your Voice."
My gorgeous, brilliant, chivalrous (but deep-in-student-debt and SO NOT SPARKLY, thank goodness) fiance Gordon helped me to tabulate a list of psychiatric ailments that likely plagued Bella Swan. Some highlights were Clinical Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Auditory/Visual hallucinations, possibly caused by Schizophrenia. He came up with more, but I can't remember them just now...





The Swedish title for "Eclipse" grows even more obscure, translated as "The Light of Your Heart." I'm just not going to even try for this one.









And the final, most cryptic title of all: "Breaking Dawn" is "So Long We Both Breathe." This title confuses me to no end. First, I thought it was the Swedish equivalent to the phrase "as long as we both shall live," referring to the vampire wedding, but then I realized that in the twilight universe, vampires didn't need to breathe, so probably not. Then I thought that maybe it meant "So long! We can both breathe," meaning you can breathe easy now that everything's resolved. But honestly, the more I think about it, the weirder it gets, so I'm content to believe that the Swedish versions, like the American originals, make very little sense.


Here's another title that caught my eye:








"SWEDISH MAFFIA???" Dude. I didn't know they had one of those. But now that I do, I'm frightened. I'm curious to know if they utilize berzerkers like their viking predecessors...


On Tuesday of the week I was there, Dan (my brother, whom I was visiting) said we'd devote the day to doing whatever I wanted to do. That day we visited the Royal Library and the Music Museum (I think he may have regretted giving me so much control). The museum will have to wait for another time, as it doesn't fit the theme of this post, but the library looked like this:














I was a little disappointed to discover it was closed-stacks (you look up the resources you want and ask a librarian to retrieve them for you), but the reference section ended up being a good deal fun anyway (I think even Dan enjoyed himself!).




I mean, come on, there's a spiral staircase! In a library! In the reference section! How cool is that?!

Okay, moving on...





I was curious to see what kind of resources they had on music. We looked up the shelf numbers using the index, and I was rather disappointed with what I found:

I mean, seriously? That's it??? The National Library of Sweden and that's all you have???

Thankfully my brother was more interested in exploring, and happened to stumble across something more a few aisles down (apparently I'm not as adept at the Swedish cataloging method as I had hoped):







Aaaaaaah, that's better! An entire aisle devoted to music reference materials! My faith in Swedish librarians has been restored!





I was pleased to see that our dear beloved "THE NEW GROVE" encyclopedias are the standard in Scandinavia, as well.

Look familiar???
(Okay, Okay, I know MGG is German, but it was still fun to see materials that I recognized!!!)

While we're on a familiar-looking-music-books kick, I thought I'd mention the interesting title I found on my visit to the KungligaMusikHögskolan (the Royal College of Music).*

This is the title they use for their Music History classes:
Yes, yes, that's right: they use the simplified version of our dear old "History of Western Music" (note the author's line: Based on J. Peter Burkholder, Palisca and Grout!). I guess I should cut them some slack, remembering that English is their second language and all (can you imagine studying for your classes in a foreign language?), but I'm having too much fun right now thinking about the Europeans using the dumbed-down version.

Okay, I've run out of book-related fun to pass on,** so I will leave you with this viking parable (found in a book, no less!):

"Wake early if you want another man's life or land..."
Yeah, the wolves and battle imagery is just a tad more brutal than birds catching worms, don't you think?

*Again, this is a story for another post!

**Oh yeah, I found Harry Potter in Swedish, by the way! It's everything I hoped it would be and more! ;)

"No time to say hello, goodbye!"

On the radio this morning, I heard a woman identify busyness as the main cause of loveless marriages. I stopped to listen closer, thinking that surely there had to be other, more ominous reasons she was overlooking, but what she had to say made sense to me. She continued to describe how two people, though married, can fill their schedules with activities which they carry out separate from each other. This means that work, errands, exercise, leisure, and time with friends are all activities performed as individuals, not as a couple. When one spends the majority of their time acting as an independent person, without spending significant quality time with their mate, they run the risk of losing their connection. Over time, that strong emotional bond wanes until the marriage relationship becomes more like that of roommates or business partners. Hardly what I would want from a marriage!

I immediately thought of a book written by renowned marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman entitled "The Five Love Languages" (http://www.fivelovelanguages.com).
In this book he sorts expressions of affection into 5 broad categories:
1. Words of affirmation (saying nice things)
2. Acts of service (doing nice things)
3. Physical touch
4. Gift giving
5. Quality time
Chapman says that while people use and accept all five of these categories, most people tend to have one or two which they prefer over the rest.

My primary love language is quality time, so the talk about busyness on the radio really resonated with me: More than anything else, I want to spend time with the people I love, and I feel most loved when those people choose to spend time with me. Other methods like gift-giving or words of affirmation mean very little to me, all I want is to be close to my friends and family.

Of course, I also am an overachiever, getting myself involved in too many projects, constantly filling my schedule with more activities. For instance, I'm currently a full-time nanny, teaching 4 private music students, working in the computer lab at my alma mater on Saturdays, playing in my community orchestra, and teaching Sunday School at my church. Every single day of my week is spoken for, and at least three, sometimes four evenings are also taken. I have become so busy that when I do get a spare moment, I just want to take some time for myself and decompress. This makes it really hard to get together with friends, spend time with my family, or even see my fiance (who has an equally busy schedule, might I add).

I understand that spending large amounts of time with people is probably not absolutely necessary in order to maintain friendships. A quick phone call, email, note on facebook, card, present, or something else could probably help fill the gaps between the times you see each other, but my principal mode of communication when it comes to friendships is time. Everything else seems second-rate (this may not be true for you, if your preferred love language is not quality time).

I am really starting to feel the effects of this in my life! When I am around my fiance, I am so happy, things just feel right. When I'm going about my week, however, working my jobs, not seeing him much (if at all), just doing my own thing, I almost start to feel like I'm single again. The less time I get to spend with him, or the longer I go without talking to him, the weaker our bond starts to feel, at least for me. Don't get me wrong, I love him very much all the time, I never doubt that, but the reality and significance of our relationship starts to fade unless I get to see him, and not just see him, spend time with him. It doesn't matter what we do, we don't have to go to a fancy restaurant or do something exciting. I'm usually more than happy to go grocery shopping, take a walk, sit and read with him, whatever, just so long as we're together.

It works this way with friends, too. This sounds obvious, but my dearest friends are the ones I spend the most time with. When I spend less time with my friends--even my really close ones--we start to drift apart. I find it's harder to talk to them, harder to feel the same connection. But of course, after I get to hang out with them again, I feel much better.

This really forces me to think about where my priorities lie. I know that my busy schedule can be detrimental to my relationships, so I have to decide which is more important to me: my various jobs and other activities, or my friends and family? So this month I am pausing to consider my schedule. While I love what I do, and find all of my activities to be fun and fulfilling (I wouldn't do them otherwise), I hope that the things and activities I love will never take precedence over the people--living beings, with hearts and minds--that I love so much!

What about you??? What do you think about busyness? What is your primary love language? I'd love to know! :)