Dear moms of fussy babies...

Last week when I picked her up from the church nursery, I was told that my daughter--the one they used to turn away at the door, the one who wouldn't sleep, the one who did nothing but scream for the first year of her life--MY daughter was "PERPETUALLY JOYFUL." 
I can't say it enough: IT GETS BETTER!!! 
I've gotten quite used to my delightful child by now, but anytime I get one of those comments it makes me pause and remember the way things once were. It fills my heart with wonder and deep, deep gratitude.
I remember those days all too well, and I wish I could travel back in time so I could tell myself how different things would be, how they would soon become "immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine" (Eph. 3:20). So I am passing it on to you. They are NOT colicky forever. They grow into such amazing and wonderful people, and as long and as hard as your road is, your "present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed" (Rom. 8:18). It's awful, but it's worth it. It gets so much better!
Tonight I sat in our rocking chair, cradling my daughter, and sang the hymn I used to sing through all the watches of the night. Same chair, same child, same song, new perspective. "Praise the Lord in joyful numbers, your protector never slumbers!"
God is faithful, praise the Lord!

Before: Her first day home from the hospital. We had no idea what we had gotten ourselves into...

After: This is the gusto with which she attacks everything in life now
(seriously, she runs to the breakfast table like this)!

I'm really bad at regular blogging...

To anyone who may be following or subscribed to my blog: I'M SORRY!

I can't really believe how long it has been since I wrote a blog post (just look at the date for the previous post! Look at it!)!!! Yep, I warned you I was bad at this!

Most of you know, either from talking to me, facebook, or other updates what's been going on in my life, but just for kicks, here's a super-quick update on everything that has happened in the last 9 months or so:

1. I got married on May 22, 2010! It was fun! I'm extremely glad to be married and very much in love with my handsome, intelligent, caring and wonderful husband! I have much more to say, but that will have to come later (maybe if I think up blog topics in advance, I'll have more motivation to write?).

2. I moved to the city! Living downtown is much different from the suburbs in many ways, good and bad. Again, more on that later.

3. I got a job (actually 2)! I'm teaching 2 music theory classes on Saturdays for the Chicago Youth Symphony Orchestra. Teaching middle school students is a new challenge for me, I'm hoping it will be a learning experience for all of us.

I will also be adjunct faculty at Roosevelt University for their Spring, 2011 semester (coming up in just a week and a half!). I'll be teaching one section of 2nd semester freshman theory (hooray, 8am classes!). I'm pretty psyched (and a little nervous) to be teaching at my alma mater with my favorite theory faculty!

Mostly, I consider it a huge blessing to have found a job in this economy--and a job in my field of expertise, no less!!! I am also extremely grateful to be married to someone with a full-time job so I can afford to take these part-time positions and not have to worry about making rent.

4. We're having a baby! I'm already 22 weeks along (scary how fast time flies!), and it's a little girl, who is due to make her appearance somewhere around may 6! We'll see if she takes after me and is obsessively early, or after Gordon and has a much more relaxed sense of "on time"...

Some things that have remained mostly the same:

1. I'm still teaching 2nd grade Sunday School at Moody Church (such cute and energetic kids!)

2. Gordon and I are still involved with the college ministry at church. Of course, now we are adult mentors instead of students. I've really enjoyed getting to know the ladies in my groups and hope to be even more involved this coming semester.

3. I'm still playing violin, though mostly for myself, or in church (no longer in the Community Orchestra out in the suburbs). I'm trying to think of good ways to keep myself motivated without regular rehearsals/lessons. I'm taking suggestions! :)

All in all, God has been so very good!

I have more to say, hopefully I'll actually have the discipline to write it out for you all in a timely fashion!!!

I'm still alive, honest!!!

Okay, this is going to be a very quick post, because it's past my bedtime, and I have to be up early, but I knew that if I continued to put it off until tomorrow, I would never post again...

It has been nearly 3 months since my last post, and I am ashamed. In all fairness, during that time frame I managed to contract the swine flu, crash my computer's hard-drive,* and become so incredibly busy and stressed out, that I am actually extremely excited about having my wisdom teeth removed at the end of this month, because it means I will get a few days of rest! Seriously, I'm stoked. The only thing I am looking forward to more is getting married. Can't wait. Totally psyched. Surgery is gonna be AWESOME! I'm getting giddy thinking about it. Is that weird?

Anyway, those are some of the lame excuses for why I haven't posted in so long. It takes time and energy to write a thoughtful post,** and I don't have much of either of those things anymore. In fact, I seem to have less and less every year. My former Theory professor*** was right: "It only gets worse." Drat!

I would like to close this disjointed and eclectic post with two things that I learned today****:

1. The word "Backronym," as a definition for an acronym that was invented post-hoc for an already existing word. I thought it was an aptly clever term.

2. That grey eyes, despite appearing darker than blue eyes, actually have the least amount of melanin (aside from albinos). This helped to settle a few questions I have had for quite some time. Namely, why my eyes, while mostly gray, appear to change color depending on the light, or what I wear, and why many babies are born with grey eyes, which later change color. Respectively, the answers are that grey eyes, having so little pigmentation, tend to reflect surrounding colors and appear to change based on the environment, and babies are born with grey eyes because their eyes have not yet produced enough pigmentation to adjust to their genetically determined hue.*****

I like learning things. :)

* And lose all my awesome pictures from Sweden, which interrupted my little travelog, but don't worry, I eventually got those back, thank goodness!

** I try not to post things unless I think there's at least a remote chance that someone out there might be interested. If it's just for me, I can talk to myself. I do it all the time. And, in the ever insightful words of my sage of a father, "Nobody cares what I think."

*** Dr. FOLSE!

**** Thank you, Wikipedia.

***** Have you lost count of all these asterisks yet?

Confession Time...

Okay, time to come clean. I have this problem. Well, I have a lot of problems, but I think it might be best to just share one at a time. So here goes: I have very little follow-through when it comes to long-term projects.

This blog is a case in point. If you notice my last post was over a month ago. I made multiple posts a week for a while, but that didn't last long. I'll admit, I'm not terribly surprised.
True, I could tell you that I got sick shortly after my last post, and my schedule filled up fast when I got better as I was catching up on all that I missed the previous week, and I could add that I got sick again two weeks later, but honestly, the lapse was inevitable. It's one of the reasons I hesitated starting a blog in the first place: I knew my tendency to lose interest.

I have a journal tucked away in my bedside table. I started this journal as a girl (the first entry was dated January 9, 1995). It's still not full. This book is a sporadic chronicle of my young life. There will be a cluster of entries, then a long gap before the next entry, which usually consisted of me exclaiming about how long it had been since I had last written (I once made it nearly two years!). I have another journal, which I started in college. I wrote in it every day for almost two months (I was so proud of myself!), then never again. It's packed away in a box somewhere, I think.

It's not just journaling that I have trouble with. Like many people, my list of New Years resolutions fallen by the wayside is tragically long. I could fill one of my poor neglected journals with the habits I have failed to build! I take heart in knowing that I am not the only one who has trouble with this. I read that only 12% of people achieve their January 1st goals. If you want a musical example, just check out how many symphonies Schubert started, but never finished (no, it's not just the famous one!).

Long story short, I am a person, and people are inconsistent. As hard as we try, there will always be things we let slide. Even the most reliable person in the world will let you down if you give them long enough. We're human, and sometimes we fail, even with the best intentions.

I am so glad God is not human! Here is what the Bible has to say about His track record:

"God is not a man, that he should lie,
nor a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Does he speak and then not act?
Does he promise and not fulfill?"
(Numbers 23:19)

"He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a man, that he should change his mind."
(1 Samuel 15:29)

"He is the Rock, his works are perfect,
and all his ways are just.
A faithful God who does no wrong,
upright and just is he."
(Deuteronomy 32:4)

"The works of his hands are faithful and just;
all his precepts are trustworthy.
They are steadfast for ever and ever,
done in faithfulness and uprightness."
(Psalm 111:7-8 )

"Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and your dominion endures through all generations.
The LORD is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made."
(Psalm 145:13)

"I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed."
(Malachi 3:6)

"If we are faithless,
he will remain faithful,
for he cannot disown himself."
(2 Timothy 2:13)

"he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
(Philippians 1:6)

Part of God's faithfulness is His refusal to give up on us. Philippians clearly states that God won't stop until He has taught us what He wants us to learn. He wants us to emulate his reliability:

"He gave them these orders: "You must serve faithfully and wholeheartedly in the fear of the LORD."
(2 Chronicles 19:9)

"Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers."
(1 Timothy 4:15-16)

"We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised."
(Hebrews 6:11-12)

"Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful."
(1 Corinthians 4:2)

I don't know about you, but this all sounds a little intimidating to a girl who can't even write a blog post once a week. Thankfully, God is gracious and offers chance after chance to practice being dependable. Just like a good father, He gives us little things to be responsible for, and gradually increases the load as we are able to bear it.

"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'"
(Matthew 25:21)

Hopefully God can use this blog to teach me a little bit more about faithfulness...

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." (Hebrews 13:8)

The Life of Emily, as of Monday, September 14.

LIVING AT HOME:
I'm really enjoying being back at home with my parents. According to popular culture, moving back in with the folks after graduation is pretty lame, but I'm having a blast! My parents are cool, funny and insightful people that I love very much. And it helps that I have a specific end-date for my stay with them: May 22, 2010. I know that when I marry Gordon, my relationship with my parents will change, and I won't see them as often (especially if we have to move for his residency). Because of this, I am enjoying every moment with my beloved Mom and Dad, so happy that I can be close to them while planning a wedding!

It's been fun doing the simple things like going grocery shopping, cooking dinner, and doing the dishes (I commented to my parents one evening that it was nice to be at home, since I haven't lived in a place with a dishwasher for 6 years. My father replied "Neither have we, you've been at school!"). I love just living life with the people I love, doing everyday things and just being close to them.

JOB:
This is my 6th week as a full-time nanny for Reid, my 16-month-old next-door neighbor. Although the first week or so was exhausting, I am amazed at how quickly we both adjusted to each other! He is such a sweet, cute and smart little boy, who only seems to grow more so every day. I've had many people assure me that "it's easier with your own children" but I have a tremendous amount of affection for Reid! I find myself missing him over the weekend, and in the evenings, if I hear him crying (remember, we're right next door), I want to run over there and help! I absolutely adore Reid and couldn't ask for a better job! If taking care of your own children is even better than this, I can't wait!!!

I am amazed at how much he learns and develops every day. It's little milestones like being able to stack blocks, matching shapes to the correct holes, or learning a new sound to babble (he is so close to talking!) that get me so excited! I am fascinated to watch his physical, cognitive and verbal skills develop, and it has been even more astonishing to see his personality develop! Taking care of Reid has proven to be an incredibly fulfilling job!

MUSIC and ACADEMICS:
I've been playing violin with a local community orchestra, and I get to solo with them in March, playing "Winter" from Vivaldi's Four Seasons! I'm also playing in my church orchestra, which plays for service about once a month. I have 3 private students that I teach in the evenings, all of whom are fun to teach, and I even have a private theory student! I get to spend 2 hours every week teaching him written and aural theory as well as giving him some historical context. It has been a great way to keep up my teaching skills and brush up on some of my music history as well!

In an attempt to keep my mind from atrophying too much now that I'm out of school, I am trying to find the discipline to read. Now, this is not an easy thing when most of your day is spent wrangling a toddler, and when you do get a quiet moment, you'd rather just crash. I'm much more motivated if it's a topic that I find to be relevant to my life. As such, my current reading projects are Suzuki's "Ability Development from Age Zero," and "The First Two Years," a parent's guide loaned to me by a friend from church. I'm thinking that my next reading project should perhaps be something music cognition related... I have a book on musical comprehension in children, maybe that's next! ;)

CHURCH:
I am so glad to be back at the Moody Church! It really feels like coming home. When it came to picking a group to be part of, my first instinct was to go to the class I was familiar with: the university ministry. Of course, now that I'm no longer a student, I wasn't so sure that I belonged, but Gordon and I share a heart for college ministry, so I wanted to stay involved in some way. After meeting with the pastor who runs the ministry, I've been asked to continue coming to Crossroads, acting as sort of a "big sister" to the undergraduate girls. I don't have an official title, but the goal is for me to be intentional about getting to know the younger girls and building friendships, with the hope that next year, if Gordon and I are still in the area (Lord willing), we can take on a more official role as "adult mentors."

I am also getting ready to start teaching SUNDAY SCHOOL in the 1st-3rd grade department! I loved teaching Sunday School while in Bloomington, and I can't wait to get started here in Chicago!

RELATIONSHIP:
It is SO NICE to finally be close to Gordon!!! Even though he lives in the city and I live in the suburbs and we both have busy schedules, we see each other a lot in comparison to what it used to be. When you're used to seeing your fiance once every 2 months, seeing him once or maybe even twice a week is such a treat! We usually get to see each other Sundays at church (if he's not working in the hospital, that is). My train gets me downtown really early, so we like to meet for coffee before service. Our Sunday morning coffee dates are always something to look forward to!

Our big exciting news is that we officially start PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING next week!!! Moody Church has a 10-week course that all couples have to take if they want to be married at the church. We are looking forward to taking that next step on the path towards marriage, and I am excited for the opportunity to learn even more about each other. There's something about this class that makes our upcoming wedding seem that much closer and more tangible, which is really exciting!!! :)

WEDDING PLANNING:
We have a photographer!!! I'm so glad! It was kind of becoming a headache: We found someone we really liked, but he turned out to be too expensive. We found someone we liked in our price range, but he was unavailable. But I guess the third time's the charm, because we found someone we liked in our price range who was available, and we met with them last night and they're awesome! It's a husband and wife team. They both graduated from Moody Bible Institute with music degrees (!), and the husband is a youth pastor. They're really nice, and it turns out we even have several mutual friends! I am so thankful that we persevered in our search!

With a little over 8 months until the big day, I still feel like there is TONS left to do, but I've already finished a lot:

I have a groom (Hooray!)
We have a wedding date
We have a ceremony and reception location
We have a pastor to officiate
We have an organist (woohoo!)
I have a dress (waiting for it to arrive...)
We've chosen our bridal party
I'm close to choosing bridesmaid dresses
We have a (very long) guest list (now to find addresses...)
We have a photographer

That's a lot! The big things remaining are food, flowers and invitations, I think.
This is totally do-able!
It helps to remember my hopes for the day:
1. To get married
2. To be able to celebrate with family, friends and loved ones
3. to praise God, from whom all blessings flow!!!

Career Changes...

This past May, I received my master's degree in Music Theory from Indiana University. The typical course of study for theory is to continue to a Ph.D, but I decided not to pursue it, at least for the time being, for many reasons. My main reasons were that I wanted to return to Chicago to be closer to my family and my fiance, and if I committed to several more years of grad school, we would most likely have to postpone our wedding (heaven forbid)!

So this Summer found me living with my parents in the suburbs, looking for work. Music theory is a subject taught primarily at the college level, though it can also be taught in high school or through community music schools. Of course, because of the economic downturn, not only had the area univiersities issued hiring freezes, but the community schools were also struggling to retain students, as many families were trying to cut back on expenses in these hard times. I sent out resume after resume, contacting schools, institutions and everyone I could think of, to no avail. The lingering question in my brain was: Was it really the right decision to leave grad school? I couldn't help but think that I would be more marketable as a teacher if I had my Ph.D, and of course, I would remain in school a few more years, giving the economy a chance to recover. This summer was a summer of frustration and doubt, but there was always plenty to be thankful for, because I was home with my parents, who graciously let me stay with them rent-free, and being unemployed, I had copious amounts of free time to chat with friends, spend time with my fiance, or help my parents.

My decision not to pursue a Ph.D. was made primarily because of my desire to become a wife, and someday a mother. You don't need a doctorate to do that, right? Of course, I currently am neither a wife, nor a mother, nor am I a student, and technically, I have no "career," either. I felt an intense lack of purpose, like I was in limbo, waiting for something to happen: a teaching position, my wedding, children, something.

A job finally did come along, but not the kind I was expecting. We had brand new neighbors move in next door to us: a husband, wife, 15-month-old baby, and a dog. The wife was preparing to return to work for the first time since the baby was born, and they were looking for childcare. Of course I jumped at the opportunity: I love children, I needed a job, and they were right next door--you can't get more convenient than that! So now I am a full-time nanny, taking care of a 15-month-old boy, and a sweet dog. 10 hours a day, 5 days a week I get to pretend to be a mommy, with a baby to take care of, a dog to look after, meals to cook, and a house to keep clean. And, I'm getting paid for it!

Of course, it can still seem like a bit of a disappointment to tell people that I just got my master's degree, have two years of teaching experience at the college level, and am currently a nanny. The other day, after telling a woman about how much I enjoyed spending my days playing with this sweet little boy, she wished me luck on my job search and said she sincerely hoped things would look up for me very soon. I guess it all comes down to personal priorities: I chose marriage over further schooling, and now I am thankful for the chance to learn and prepare a little bit before the big day comes! I sometimes feel shy telling people, because I know they will think I was hoping for something better. But really, what could be better than to spend my days playing with, caring for, and yes, teaching such a sweet little boy, all while gaining valuable experience and life lessons? And boy, am I learning a lot from this guy! But that's another post! Right now I have a little boy who is waking up from his nap...