Tale as old as Time.

My poor little girl spiked a high fever today out of nowhere (she is the queen of high temps and no other symptoms. What gives?!), so we had an impromptu movie afternoon. She's usually so busy that she doesn't have time to slow down for cuddles, so I secretly relish sick days where I get to curl up with her on the couch. Is that selfish?

Trying to get her to broaden her horizons beyond all-time favorite Studio Ghibli (Totoro and Kiki are totally awesome, but we know them by rote in 2 languages now), I proposed Beauty and the Beast. Here's how I pitched it to her:

"It's about a girl who loves to read books, and loves to help her daddy. She goes on an adventure with her horse, and makes lots of silly new friends!" She took the bait. I know how to play to my daughter's interests, all right!

She did NOT like the "'cary wolves," and was uneasy about the Beast, too (though she thought the talking clock was great!). We used the movie to talk about being kind to others, and what a difference that makes for people's feelings. Who knows how much she took away, but she did notice that both Beast and Belle were choosing to help each-other more and more throughout the film. It was neat.

Out of nowhere, she turned to me and said "Mommy, do you know that Belle loves the Beast?" I asked her how she knew that, and she said "Because the Beast takes care of her." Curious, I asked if she thought the Beast loved Belle, and why? She said "Yes, because she helps him."

It was interesting to hear her say that. We often talk to her about how Mommy and Daddy do things for her because we love her, so it's neat to hear these ideas percolating in her mind. Of course, her definition seems rather self-focused (not surprising, considering she's two. And human). She says each loves the other because the other does something for them. But I hope that eventually the true definition will come out and she will realize that love is not self-seeking. Someday, maybe I'll ask her how she knows Belle loves the Beast and she will reply "Because she helps the Beast"

This has always been one of my favorite Disney stories. I loved that Belle was a reader, and a daddy's girl (and daddy is an engineer, how cool is that?!), and totally NOT interested in boys! I found her the most relatable "princess" in my childhood as a tomboy/nerd. But that's not the only thing that resonated with me.

Everyone makes fun of this movie and says it's just "Stockholm Syndrome," but here's what I saw:

Belle willingly gives herself up as a ransom for her father. She thinks she's going to be chained in a dungeon for the rest of her life, but that doesn't stop her from sacrificing herself for her father's sake. That's love.

What follows is a series of sacrifices Belle and the Beast make for each-other without expecting anything in return:

Belle has broken the rules and gone into the forbidden wing where she is confronted and flees the castle. She is about to be eaten by wolves. The Beast is furious and could have left her to die, but he comes to her rescue, and in doing so is injured and collapses.

Belle chooses to bring him back to the castle and tend his wounds. The monster was incapacitated, she could have run home at any point, but chose not to.

To thank her, the Beast gives her his library. If that's not a grand gesture, I don't know what is. ;)

Then there's this sweet little scene where the Beast shoves his face into his oatmeal until he notices a shocked Belle staring back at him. He tries to please her by using a spoon, but his massive claws can't hold it. Belle sees him struggling and suggests they both just drink from the bowl. See that? Each making compromises for the sake of the other. Awww!

Even the song "Beauty and the Beast" gives a good picture of the story:

Tale as old as time

True as it can be

Barely even friends,

Then somebody bends

Unexpectedly...

...Tale as old as time

Song as old as rhyme

Bittersweet and strange

Finding you can change

Learning you were wrong

I've always felt like this was the most realistic of the Disney love stories because it required so many compromises from both characters. They each had to get over themselves and let go of their expectations to make the relationship work. There is actual character growth on both sides as the relationship develops.

Of course, each of these gestures was a response to a previous one. They had to start somewhere, and the first one may not have been as altruistic as I'd like: the Beast probably went after Belle with the intention of bringing her back and locking her up, only accidentally saving her life at great cost to himself.

My motivation to love is also a reaction to something that came before. 1 John 4:9-12 and 19 says 

"This is how God showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us... We love because he first loved us."

The True tale as old as time...

Dear moms of fussy babies...

Last week when I picked her up from the church nursery, I was told that my daughter--the one they used to turn away at the door, the one who wouldn't sleep, the one who did nothing but scream for the first year of her life--MY daughter was "PERPETUALLY JOYFUL." 
I can't say it enough: IT GETS BETTER!!! 
I've gotten quite used to my delightful child by now, but anytime I get one of those comments it makes me pause and remember the way things once were. It fills my heart with wonder and deep, deep gratitude.
I remember those days all too well, and I wish I could travel back in time so I could tell myself how different things would be, how they would soon become "immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine" (Eph. 3:20). So I am passing it on to you. They are NOT colicky forever. They grow into such amazing and wonderful people, and as long and as hard as your road is, your "present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed" (Rom. 8:18). It's awful, but it's worth it. It gets so much better!
Tonight I sat in our rocking chair, cradling my daughter, and sang the hymn I used to sing through all the watches of the night. Same chair, same child, same song, new perspective. "Praise the Lord in joyful numbers, your protector never slumbers!"
God is faithful, praise the Lord!

Before: Her first day home from the hospital. We had no idea what we had gotten ourselves into...

After: This is the gusto with which she attacks everything in life now
(seriously, she runs to the breakfast table like this)!

Our Home

I looked around at our apartment tonight, thinking about how cluttered it was, listing all the projects I wanted to try, looking at the floors that need to be refinished, wondering if I was ever going to fix the organizer that got ripped off the wall, sighing as I saw the chaotic piles closing in on me from every corner, realizing how very different this place was from the way I thought it would be.
Then I looked around at our home and saw our life.
I remembered the brand new wood floors, put in just before we were married, and I saw the ground-in dirt at the entryway from all the guests and family we've welcomed into our home, and the scuffs and stains around the table from the meals we've shared.
I remembered the pristine walls, freshly painted, giving a clean, open, serene feel to the room. Then I saw the pictures of our lives together, the messy artwork our toddler so proudly taped up herself, the stains behind the couch(!) from the food our daughter devoured so happily, the gaping hole from that poor organizer, torn down by a child we took in for a month so his mother could get back on her feet.
I remember how spacious and airy our living room once felt, then I saw how full it has become from all the furniture, books, and toys which inevitably come when you add more people to your family.
I remember how I spent the first few months of our marriage meticulously organizing every nook and cranny, a place for everything and everything in its place. Then I thought of our toddler sleeping in the walk-in closet, our valuable storage space now holding something far more precious.

It's so easy for me to look around at this place and see the mess, the clutter, the scars, and the lack of space. So often I grow discouraged at how out-of-control the mess feels, how poorly decorated our apartment is compared to my friends, how I just don't have the time, space and resources to do with this place what I would have liked.
This place is so very far from what I imagined it would be when we first moved in as newlyweds, but our lives have turned out so very different from what we expected.
Tonight, I remembered that this apartment has been our home for the last three years. We have lived our lives in this place, not some fantasy daydream life where everything fits perfectly in lovely bins bought with coupons at the dollar store (and now you know what I daydream about...). This place has been our home through the exhaustion of medical residency, the sleepless nights with a colicky baby, loss of loved ones,  the heartbreak of miscarriage. This has been our home when we held each-other and wept, and when we jumped around laughing for joy. It has seen insecurity, sickness, fear, depression, defeat, bitterness, and sacrifice, but it has also seen healing, comfort, growth, hope, unconditional love, and faithfulness.
It has welcomed family, hosted dear friends, been a home-away-from-home for college students, taken in at-risk children. It's where our marriage started, and the only home our daughter has ever known.
It may not be as pretty as a magazine, but to me, and I hope to the many others who have graced it with their presence, it is a thing of beauty.

Our lives have not been serene, but they have been full. Our lives have not been organized, things did not happen "as planned," but praise God, we are learning to be flexible and receive each moment, each new adventure or challenge as a chance to learn and grow in Him.
This is the story of our family, this is a reflection of our lives together, this is a testament to the goodness and faithfulness of our marvelous Creator.
It's not pristine, it's not pretty, but it is magnificent. It is a thing of wonder, and there's no place I would rather be.

And the best part is, we're just getting started!!!

Consonant Blends and other quirks

We have a remarkably articulate 2 year old who talks up a storm in a very clear and precise manner, so whenever she does have difficulty pronouncing something, we feel compelled to document it.

Some of our favorite quirks over time:

When she was 18 months, her vocabulary was already fairly substantial, and consisted of English, Mandarin and sign language, but for some weird reason, she couldn't say "water." She could sign it, but no matter what, she called it "Gaw." We have no idea where it came from, it's not close to "water" or "Shui" (the Mandarin equivalent), but that's what she would say. We worked so hard, saying "Wa, wa, WA-TER" slowly and clearly so she would get it, and she would lean in, raise her eyebrows just like we did, and reply very deliberately "Wa, wa, GAAAAAAAW" The funniest part was when her grandparents decided to just adopt her word into their vocabulary. I'll never forget hearing them say "Do you want some gaw?"

We just about died laughing when she tried to say "computer" and instead all that would come out of her mouth was "potato." That's the one we decided to adopt, and suddenly all our computers were renamed. The kindle fire even became our "hot potato." We were crushed the day she pronounced computer correctly. We're not changing our network names back, though. Those stay, a reminder of the adorable days of yore.

Her current and ongoing quirk is very specific, and no less cute. She can say the "S" sound just fine, but cannot pronounce it when it comes right before another consonant. If a consonant blend starts with "S," she will just say the 2nd consonant. In a cluster of 3 consonants, she can actually say the latter 2, but still no S's. It makes for some very cute (and slightly confusing) words!
Here are a few highlights:

scrubs = cwubs (oh yeah, she's also got the stereotypical r=w quirk)
stop = top
stretch = twetch!
stepstool = teptool!
story = towy
squish = quish
stinky = tinky
sticky = ticky
stuck = tuck
scooter = cooter
stairs = taiws
small = mall
smile = mile
snake = nake
sneaky = neaky!


If we really push her, she will sometimes make an effort, but it will either sound like "S, S, cwubs" or she'll blow air through her nose to approximate the initial S sound, but it ends up sounding more like a funny H. So occasionally you'll hear her say something like "hmall," or "hnake."

I doubt this is unique, there must be tons of toddlers out there calling people 'neaky 'tinkers, but I wanted to make sure I wrote it down somewhere. Because I know that someday, just like "water" and "computer," she'll be able to pronounce the initial S in a consonant blend like a pro, and I want to remember.

Thank you, Pinterest!

Today was a "sick day" for me. I've been fighting a cold for days and finally succumbed this morning. Nothing terrible, just your run-of-the mill sore throat, swollen sinuses, runny nose, headache and fatigue deal, but certainly enough to make me want a quiet day doing "nothing" at home.

Of course, my 2-year-old felt just fine and was wondering what new adventures we were going to have today?! Thankfully I've been collecting ideas for fun activities on Pinterest and happened to have the right supplies handy (didn't take much). Today's post is a photo journal of how I kept my toddler busy while I sat idly by and convalesced. 

We haven't really worked on lower case letters, but I made an upper- lower-case match-up card set and she caught right on! She really enjoyed putting the "daddy" letters with the "baby" letters (her words, not mine)!

Next, I cannibalized an empty cereal box and a sweet friend let us raid her yarn remnants for some lace-up cards!
Again, she's never done anything like this before, but got it pretty quickly.

"Hey! I was playing with that!"

Q-tip painting! Who knew they made such good little paint brushes?! Again, it took a few minutes for her to figure out how to paint in the little circles, but after that she was unstoppable! She could have done this all day!

Super cool templates found here:
http://therapyfunzone.com/blog/2012/12/q-tip-painting-with-templates/

Isn't that just delightful?
I cut the Q-tips in half to extend my supply and pack in a little fine-motor-skill oomph.

I'm so thankful for the creativity of others who are willing to share, and the resources we have on the internet! Not only did I keep my daughter busy so I could rest, but we also had quality time painting together and the day was filled with great educational/developmental activities. Honestly, in some ways it almost feels like we did MORE today than we usually do! Time to look around for more ideas in case I'm still under the weather tomorrow...

Groanings Too Deep for Words

Life can be hard for babies. They have all these needs and emotions and questions and absolutely no capacity to understand or communicate any of it, poor things! I remember when my daughter was just days old, and voicing some concerns she had about her living situation. My sweet mother put words into her crying mouth, speaking for her "I don't know what's wrong, but fix it, Mommy!"

I had no idea how often I would hear that same "phrase," wailed over and over again in her desperate baby cries. Today was another difficult day. She's been going through a tough period the last few weeks, and I really can't figure out why. Maybe she's teething, maybe she's having a growth spurt, maybe she misses her daddy, who has had a tough work schedule this month, I don't know. Probably a combination of all three, plus other stuff I haven't even considered. Suffice it to say, there have been a lot of tears, and a lot of "I don't know what's wrong!" this week.

During one of her "fits" this afternoon, I spontaneously began to recite Romans 8:26-27:

"In the same way, the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us; with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts, knows what the mind of the Spirit is because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."

So often I find myself in a similar sort of "funk," not being able to put my finger on what precisely is troubling me, only knowing that things aren't right, and I am unhappy. I find myself wailing to God, "I don't know what's wrong, but fix it!" How glad I am that God's understanding is so much more clear than mine! I'm often at a loss when my daughter cries, but God is never lost. He searches the heart, and knows the mind, and His Spirit fills in the gaps when we simply can't.

In the same way that I hold my precious daughter close, shield her with my arms, and whisper love and encouragement in her ear, so my God holds me close, speaks to me with love, protects me with His outstretched hand. I see my child in distress and want so desperately to find out what is wrong, to help her through her trouble. So does God.

Thank you, Lord, for listening to my groans, for understanding what even I do not, for interceding on my behalf. Thank you for your steadfast love. Teach me to love my own child in the same way.


I have a little card that lists "31 Biblical Virtues to pray for your kids" by Bob Hostetler. I use it as a bookmark in the "One Year Bible Storybook" that I read with Kaja. It makes it easy to pray the virtue for the corresponding day of the month. How fitting that today, the 29th, is Prayerfulness: "Grant, Lord, that my children's lives may be marked by prayerfulness, that they may learn to pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests" (Eph. 6:18).

When I Don't Know What To Say, I Sing...

If I could describe my first 15 months of parenting, I would definitely use words like "turbulent" and "unpredictable." Other things come to mind, too, but there are some words I try not to utter in polite company.


I think every mother knows the feeling of constant change. When the baby is born, your world turns upside-down. The minute you start to feel like you're getting into a routine, figuring out what your little one needs, they grow and change! Then it's back to the drawing board, slowly coming to grips with your new reality, only to have it change again in a few weeks or months.


You often feel as if you are being tossed back and forth on the billows of a stormy sea. My sweet daughter is a prime example. She is a child of extremes, and when the pendulum swings, you had better hang on tight! The unpredictable and often instantaneous (not to mention inexplicable) shift from "delightful" to "terrible" can be downright demoralizing.


You are left feeling lost, helpless, frustrated, and utterly exhausted. Constantly trying to catch up, to understand the unknowable, fighting a losing battle against this little force of nature you are powerless to control. I know I am not the only mom who feels this way (and I imagine plenty of people who aren't mom's have other situations that make them feel this way), so I thought I'd share some of the hymns that I sing to my screaming child when I have nothing else to turn to.


It's not an exhaustive list by any means. The Holy Spirit often lays a hymn, scripture, or line on my heart when I need it most, but these are the ones that I find myself returning to over and over again, as I fight through the stormy days (and nights), struggling just to keep up with my mercurial child.


(I've italicized the lines or verses that are especially meaningful to me)

This little song from a cassette we listened to in the car as children has remained with me, and is one of the first cries of my heart when "I don't know what to do" Thank you, Mom.

"Cares Chorus"

"I cast all my cares upon you.

I lay all of my burdens down at your feet.

And anytime I don't know what to do

I will cast all my cares upon you."

"Be Still, My Soul" 
(I love the fact that this hymn tune is "Finlandia" by Sibelius!)
by Catharina von Schlegel, 1697-?
Translated by Jane Borthwick, 1813-1897


1. Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.


(My kid may be unpredictable, but my God is always faithful)


2. Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.


(How perfect to know that, though we are at a loss, God knows every mystery, and is in command over all our storms)


3. Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.


4. Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.




A newer hymn by Keith Getty has become especially meaningful as I labor through my own "storms." The line about midnight meeting the morning still brings me to tears as I remember those long, lonely nights, rocking my colicky baby, watching the moon make its way across the dark sky, praying for the rising of the sun. 


"Jesus Draw me Ever Nearer"


Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.

And, of course, I can't forget the hymns I sing every day as I rock my child to sleep:

"Children of the Heavenly Father"

Children of the heav’nly Father
Safely in His bosom gather;
Nestling bird nor star in Heaven
Such a refuge e’er was given.

God His own doth tend and nourish;
In His holy courts they flourish;
From all evil things He spares them;
In His mighty arms He bears them.

Neither life nor death shall ever
From the Lord His children sever;
Unto them His grace He showeth,
And their sorrows all He knoweth.

Though He giveth and He taketh,
God His children ne’er forsaketh;
His the loving purpose solely
To preserve them pure and holy.

Lo, their very hairs He numbers,
And no daily care encumbers
Them that share His ev’ry blessing
And His help in woes distressing.

Praise the Lord in joyful numbers:
Your Protector never slumbers.
At the will of your Defender
Ev’ry foeman must surrender.

(another good reminder that God is with us through those long night-watches!)

"Day by Day" 

1. Day by day, and with each passing moment,
   Strength I find, to meet my trials here;
   Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
   I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
   He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure
   Gives unto each day what He deems best—
   Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
   Mingling toil with peace and rest.
2. Every day, the Lord Himself is near me
   With a special mercy for each hour;
   All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
   He Whose Name is Counselor and Pow’r.
   The protection of His child and treasure
   Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
   “As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
   This the pledge to me He made.
3. (Sometimes we need a new mercy each hour! I am so thankful that my Lord will give me the strength I need to make it through each day. No more, no less, but exactly what we need.)
4. Help me then in every tribulation
   So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
   That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation
   Offered me within Thy holy Word.
   Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
   E’er to take, as from a father’s hand,
   One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
   Till I reach the promised land.

"Trust and Obey"

"Trust and obey

For there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus

But to trust and obey."